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Thread: Serious wwyd

  1. #1
    Join Date
    May 2012
    Northamptonshire/oxfordshire border

    Default Serious wwyd

    Ok so my OH (although still not official) has been a bit odd the last couple of days. He snapped Tuesday night and I stayed at home I worked Wed and Thursday so stayed at home again. Then last night he asked me and my friends if we wanted to go drinking round his. One friend didn't want to and that was enough for us to say no we are going out. We had planned to go out already. He was invited but was looking after his kid brother.
    He decided to buy himself a bottle of vodka, not an issue.
    So this morning I went around to wake him up as he had offered to photograph my lesson was really good, great encouragement and all positive feedback!!! When I made him a coffee I went in the fridge for the milk and saw the vodka..... If I had drank that much I would have been no use to anyone!!!

    Anyway when we got back from my lesson he mentioned he was going to drink the rest (3/4 bottle) tonight!

    Later on he messaged me about his mum being in a bad mood. I said it straight out and asked him if he was a little low!
    He replied little isn't the word!!! He was going to drink the rest of the vodka to make him happy!!! Needless to say I am going over tonight!!!

    Now where do I go from here? He is already medicated, he has had his dose lowered. His mum is a nurse but is under alot of stress. I don't want to worry her I just want to make her aware.....


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  2. #2


    This may sound awfully selfish, but the first question I'd be asking myself was "do I want to be involved with this person?" This almost certainly isn't a one off, and the chances are it's only going to get worse unless he realises there's a drink problem & gets help to manage it now. I assume the medication is for a mental health problem? If so I'd guess that's likely to make dealing with a drink problem even harder. You need to consider both of you, but for you looking after yourself has to be a higher priority.

    If you know & get on with his mum then by all means talk to her, it may well be that she's fully aware of the situation & is trying to keep a distance though.
    I was so young & full of pride
    And you were wild & strong,
    I never knew how weak I was

    You got to know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em.
    Know when to walk away, know when to run
    You never count your money, when you're sittin' at the table.
    There'll be time enough for countin', when the dealin's done.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Feb 2013


    Now I'm in the fence a little on this one? Yes you need to think of yourself and decide to either walk away or buckle in for the ride - things like this don't just go away and it would be much harder on both of you if you stick around now but decide you can cope later.
    he needs people around him even if he doesn't admit it (not keeping their distance) as I can assure you there is nothing worse than being alone with your thoughts when feeling low.
    he needs support from family and friends, not to be badgered into help but for him to see for himself that he needs to speak to a professional about his feelings.
    He has already admitted he is feeling low to you and maybe he is wanting to talk to you about it...that might just help, you don't even have to say anything back.
    i suffer with depression quite badly at times and it's my OH and my best friend that has stuck with me through thick and thin. If it wasn't for them I'm not sure where I would be right now...I have been with my OH for 6years and when things get low I ask if he wants to leave but he is adamant he loves me and will see me through it - how do you really feel about your OH?
    i sympathise with you as it's a hard life choice to make and at least it's something you are considering now early on than later when long term attachments have been made..
    *hugs* x

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Sep 2009


    He's obviously unhappy I would go round with good and have a serious talk eith him, let him unload and tell you the score then decide if you want to help it get out of dodge xx

    Listen, smile, agree and then do whatever the hell you were going to do anyway.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Sep 2009


    I'd say that it's super positive that A) you felt confident enough to ask him about how he was feeling and B) that he told you honestly. The alcohol is a coping strategy, simple as. If you feel that you going around there and helping him cope means he won't drink the other 3/4 of the bottle, then great. Maybe you are able to help him find other ways to cope.

    Regarding moving forward, I think you need to have a chat about what he would like you to do. I'm interested in you being keen to tell his mum- is that something you want to do for him (so he has more support, even though his mum is stressed and might not be able to provide much support) or is it for you (so you don't feel you are holding this alone?). Whatever you choose, I think you are best to talk about it with him and try and agree a way forward. If you want the relationship to continue then this needs to be something that you tackle head on, together, as otherwise it could become a dark cloud that overshadows everything. That being said, you can help, but you can't fix all his problems. He needs to want to get some more help (be that more support from other people, more medication, talking therapy etc. It might be with your support he can, but it might be that he isn't ready.

    FWIW you sound like a super supportive OH!


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