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Thread: What would you do? Family drama!

  1. #1
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    Sep 2009
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    Default What would you do? Family drama!

    I have been having awful trouble with my in laws of late, so I will rewind right back 2 years to when it all began and try to be as quick as I can...

    So 2 years ago past June my BIL met a girl they moved in together, fell in love yadda yadda, she decided to cut me out of her life in I think around November time for goodness knows what reason, December it was announced she was pregnant. I heard nothing much from them though BIL remained friendly enough (In laws were also cut off for a while though not as long as us and slung much mud in their direction which they know nothing about). The following May (I think around then) she got back in touch, I did ask why I was cut out and was told that it was down to MIL. Whether this is true or not I have no idea! So August the baby was born, a little boy, we were Aunty and Uncle for the first time so that was exciting!
    We went round, bought things for our nephew (receiving little to no thanks which really angered hubby) all was fine. Then it wasn't all of a sudden.

    Things became strained between MIL and I. I had no idea what was going on. November MILs Mother died. Things got more strained. Funeral happened and she openly mocked me. Hubby then got a new job which involved him going away for 2 weeks and home for 1 week at a time. During those 2 weeks I heard nothing from any in law, which was upsetting, when BIL had a similar job they were never away from his fiancee, so I asked hubby to try and find out what was wrong as things were now SO strained I didn't feel I could approach them.

    So they came round end of May by which time hubby had had new job for 4 months, and told me I was supposed to have said "Will it be much longer till she dies so I can get back to my horses" which I know I did not say, I had asked if this was the end as we had been called to the death bed on 4/5 occasions at this point, but I had asked it to hubby no one else. Anyway then suddenly in this conversation after not even listening to what I had to say (literally shaking her head and being very rude about the way she said I was "lying") and saying some rather rude things about when my Granny dies and my parents (no idea why that had to be said but it was just plain nasty IMO) it came out that she thinks I "hate" my nephew. Which shocked me. I had on several occasions tried to visit BIL and his fiancee after I had passed my driving test and before that asking them round etc including Christmas dinner which they declined after waiting about a month for a response. I digress.
    So hubby got really angry on my behalf whereas I was just upset, resulting in MIL storming out of our house followed by FIL. Then I told hubby he cannot leave it like that so told him to message his Dad, which he did. They met up with BIL and came out with just nonsense really, many lies which I have disproved either by the medium of FB (messages are great when you never delete) or by hubby actually being present!
    So now since this we have not heard anything from in laws, I of course have removed and blocked off FB as I can't really be bothered and sadly hubby has done the same.

    I think it would be really sad for him to totally lose touch with his parents, they can hate me if they so wish but I don't really want him to completely lose touch, which is what he currently wants. Or so he tells me. We are also shortly to move (100s of miles) and I don't think it is right they don't have his new address so if they want to get back in touch they can... I would never ask him to pick between me and his parents as I don't think that is cricket but regardless he has picked me so far!

    What would you do? Would you give them the address regardless and deal with the fall out if he does get angry? I will be sending up birthday presents to FIL and nephew in August anyway so thought I would pop it in there? Or would you leave it out and just let them realise you have moved from the postmark? Of course the other slightly more selfish thing is I don't want them to think I have asked him to have nothing to do with them because I haven't, as if they think this things will only become more strained...

    Their beauty captures every eye, a gift from God for all mankind, they lend us wings so we may fly, to ride a horse is to ride the sky

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  2. #2
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    I would go with what your husband wants. Maybe when you move he'll change his mind. If they want to get in touch I presume they still have a phone number or email address so won't be completely cut off.

  3. #3
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    Quote Originally Posted by flickaz View Post
    I would go with what your husband wants. Maybe when you move he'll change his mind. If they want to get in touch I presume they still have a phone number or email address so won't be completely cut off.
    He has blocked them on his mobile, I am not sure if he has blocked them on his email or not! They still have my mobile but I doubt they would try to get back in touch with me after it was left. I feel really sad about this after 9 years of being in their life it takes this girl to come along and wreck the whole family

    Their beauty captures every eye, a gift from God for all mankind, they lend us wings so we may fly, to ride a horse is to ride the sky

    Touchstone Floinn - Purebred graded ID stallion available for stud.

    Rest In Peace Minstrel. 08.03.1998 - 31.01.2013 I will love you forever my own black beauty.
    Rest in Peace Stranduff Nichol 08.05.2014 - 19.11.2015 Goodnight little man.

  4. #4
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    If you're sending presents you've got to put your return address on the parcel anyway. If your sending a card just do the same. That way you aren't actually giving them your new address on purpose, you're just making sure nothing gets lost in the post.

    You know my thoughts on everything else.

  5. #5
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    Personally I'd it were me I'd ask what hubby wants, if he is happy to leave things to settle and boil down then I would if he isn't then assist him but take a back seat, if he wants to meet with FIL and BIL then great if he doesn't then that's that.

    I would put a postage label with new address inside the present for FIL puts ball in their court, you have no guilt should they not use it.

    Good luck with the move

    Listen, smile, agree and then do whatever the hell you were going to do anyway.

  6. #6
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    Sep 2009
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    Thanks folks. I am just so stressed about it. I don't want hubby to lose his family, it seems so sad to me!

    Their beauty captures every eye, a gift from God for all mankind, they lend us wings so we may fly, to ride a horse is to ride the sky

    Touchstone Floinn - Purebred graded ID stallion available for stud.

    Rest In Peace Minstrel. 08.03.1998 - 31.01.2013 I will love you forever my own black beauty.
    Rest in Peace Stranduff Nichol 08.05.2014 - 19.11.2015 Goodnight little man.

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